I moved my blog to wordpress.

No reason.

darcielynn.wordpress.com

Give It Up Bubble-Lady

I considered putting this blog on the one we have set up for the magazine, but nobody reads that. Probably because we don't put anything on it.

The bulk of my time right now is magazine related. Brainstorming, contemplating, giving feedback, editing, researching, building contacts, interviewing and many other things have all been part of the process. These days it is selling ad space. I think Marketing may be the first position we fill when we start hiring . . . after the Accountant, obviously. And, maybe, our Personal Assistant.

I admittedly, and willingly, live in a bubble. I have often requested that others carefully navigate this bubble because I don't want it to pop. In this bubble, selling ad space was easy. One glance of our vision and people would gladly jump aboard! With my eyes opened to reality last week, selling ad space is time consuming, unsure and way more important then we intended it to be. After not getting the grants we applied for, and wanting to do this free of debt, ad space became our main source of initial income. Yikes.

In order to have the money we need to print, we have to have 3 of 7 alloted spaces sold. Or lots of people willing to pay for subscriptions before they ever see anything. We have one of those willing people, but his $13.00 will print about 10 magazines. Not exactly our first run quota.

Friday afternoon I sat at Agia Sophia, unmotivated and easily distracted. I had let the pressure get to me. By the end of the time I was so frustrated I packed everything up (carelessly leaving my computer cord behind) and drove home, tension filling my shoulders as I rehashed my inefficient hours. And then it hit me. I had to give it up. All of it.

We have never intended the magazine to be "ours". It is a labor of love, a tool, a vehicle that will, hopefully and prayerfully, bring awareness and change. It is not a prison, not mine to control, not a work of only my hands. I had to give it back and give it up.

So Friday afternoon, when I wanted to sit down and try again, I loaded everything into my closet and vowed not to touch it or think about it for the weekend. Sort of a passion fast. I had to give up what I was holding so tightly to I was about to kill it. And breathe.

So I prayed and released gradually, as sometimes is necessary, and felt the tension ease out of my shoulders as I realized, again, that my feeble attempts will never be enough. I must, and will, let it go before I ruin it.

In all of my letting go I had another reminder seep into consciousness - thankfulness. Time and time again I have to be reminded that being thankful puts everything into perspective. I want to be considered a thankful person, but it is easy to let it slip. It feels so much less powerful then doing and striving and proving. Thankfulness is like the secret code that gets you into the inner room. The key. Without it, all is hidden behind a veil and no matter how much you knock or pound, nothing will open until you utter the deep, heartfelt words of thanks.

I may be back to ad space and editing today, but in my fingers I know it is a different energy. Not one I am pushing out and running low on, but that which is in never-ending supply. I love that I get to live my dream job, enjoy Mondays and conference calls and too many emails. May this house be built on sweat and faith, not just sweat.

Green Sick and Green Tired of Green Politics

Today I heard an advertisement from a company in the United States tooting their own horn about doing so much research to help find green, sustainable living. I almost shouted and drove off the road. I am soooooo tired of hearing big business say they are changing the world with their 10 and 15 percent green and research. Do they think we don't already have the technology and the research to be environmentally friendly?

There is a city in Germany that is called one of the greenest cities in the world. The high energy efficiency requirements for housing, solar panels, low vehicle admittance, a design that encourages walking and/or bike riding, and more have made it so the residents of Freiburg, Germany actually produce more energy then they use. Plus, because Germany has passed laws requiring that excess energy be bought from families at a fixed rate, the residents are making money by living in their environmentally friendly homes. (Which, I add, are very nice.)

Children play in the streets, since there are few cars and the city gives pedestrians and cyclists full use of roadways while cars are required to drive at walking speeds. Compost and waste are processed to create more energy, which is sold back to the city as well. Even the hotel in Freiburg boasts efficiency with solar paneling as does the sports complex that runs completely independently.

Below are links about Freiburg. I would like big business in the US to be boasting about placing technology in use instead of researching something that can already begin to be implemented.

http://ucdesustainability.blogspot.com/2009/07/solar-energy-use-in-freiburg-germany.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2008/mar/23/freiburg.germany.greenest.city

tattoing livestock brings man artistic honors

I actually can't find words. I feel strangely violated seeing this, but can't pin point why . . .

I made up the headline.

Little Miss Piggy's Cold

I have been so tired these last few days. After not sleeping Friday night due to the brisk chill of the Winter Park, Colorado air, I found myself in a deep slumber Saturday night. And Sunday. And then again Sunday night. I woke up late for my Conference Call today. Luckily, you can have Skype meetings in pajama's, but that isn't a habit I want to get into.

I decided to do a little research on the H1N1 virus, not because I think I have it, but because I have been so decisively against the vaccination that I wanted to get some proper research done. The chart shows the number of people going to the doctor or the hospital for any kind of flu type illness. The red is this year.

I am still not getting the vaccination. Below is a chart of deaths for Pneumonia and Influenza. What this chart shows me is that last year was a bad year, but some how it looks the same since 2006. Does that mean we have had pandemonium since 2006 and I just wasn't paying attention?

If you want more info and stats to make decisions about getting H1N1 vaccinations, here is a link to the CDC:

http://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/

All I ask is that people make decisions because they really have an idea of what is going on, not just because someone told you something. A little google searching can go a long way.

If you want perspective on what really makes a pandemic here is a link to research on Spanish Influenza:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/influenza/index.html

Acquiring Information

If you have heard of the StrengthsFinder book/test you know that it measures your top five strengths, out of 64, based on your response to a long, tedious computer test. (I wonder if there is a strength given to those who just don't finish the test?!) If you didn't know that, I just told you and you can buy the book and get a code and take the test and find out what you should focus your energy on, strengths wise. The argument is that trying to fix weaknesses doesn't improve your ability to contribute to anything - work, relationships, or hobbies. Rather, focusing on what you are good at, and getting better, leads you into a life where you will be most "successful" or at least really good at what you are doing, depending on your definition of successful.

Three of my top five strengths involve information. Input (Gathering Info), Intellection (Thinking about Info), and Learner. (The other two are Restoration and Connectedness if you were wondering).

This test has helped me understand that I am not a fickle, flighty person who just jumps around from thing to thing, uprooted and irresponsible. Rather, I now see that I am wired to search, attain and process information. I am Google. Walking.

Week Gone By - Test Your Time Skills

My sister and I were talking last night about how perspective changes everything. For example: You sit down with someone who keeps telling you they have no time and have them actually write out their schedule and show them where they do have time. Or, the person who always says they have no money, but a quick review of their ledger shows otherwise. Perspective truly changes everything.
My sister brought up a good point about expectations. It seems, and I am guilty of this, most people put lower productivity expectations on themselves then they do other people. If I work four hours, I feel accomplished, but when my mom says she is tired after her part-time job I heckle her. Yes, heckle.
This week I saw this first hand - somehow, having to be at work at 8:30am meant that I didn't have time to work out, work on the magazine, grocery shop, do laundry or be at all productive. Silly me, I was done working at 12:30, I had all kinds of time! However, once I walked out and away from my computer I was tired and felt like I had done enough. That is what happens when someone else decides my schedule. I just don't take control of my time.
I am using this example as an arguement for being my own boss forever.

Vision Attack! Small weapons make all the difference.

I have to candidly admit that I had a really hard day yesterday concerning my current venture of co-launching Eye See Media. Up until now - about six months - I haven't thought twice about our "ability" to do such a thing. The right events, people, encouragement, finances and focus have all been available and we have repeatedly said that it felt like the train was moving with or without us. For some unimaginable reason yesterday was different. I sat back at my temporary little law office desk and felt this incredible anxiety - what if we couldn't do it? What was I thinking? How could this really be accomplished? It all went streaming through my head and my heart, willing me to throw in the towel on everything we have already done.

Later that day I went to lunch with my mom and grabbed an Honest Mate out of the cooler. When I opened it, the cap read simply:

Unless someone like you cares a whole lot,

nothing is going to get better.

It's not. -The Lorax, Dr. Seuss.

It seems simple enough, but it made a huge difference. I want things to get better. I am young enough or naive enough to believe it can happen because people can be a part of change. It is funny how the smallest thing can spin you back around and face you the right direction.

Follow up on the Fuel Tank

I mentioned in my previous blog that I barely made it to work on the gas I had. It is not an exaggeration. I coasted part of the way and took only streets that I wouldn't mind being stuck on if it came to that. After four grueling hours of work (and trying to figure out how to put gas in my car with 93 cents in the bank), I decided the best bet was to count up the change laying around the floor and ashtray. The total: $2.10. Not enough for even a gallon of the premium unleaded fuel required to run the WRX, but enough to get me to the nearest Safeway (7 miles) so I could use the gift card I had sitting in my wallet.

That particular Safeway is only 3 blocks from my paternal grandmothers, so I stopped in for a visit with the feisty woman before heading home, not running on fumes, and sure I could make it into work for one more set of hourly wage fun!

Thinking Clearly

I always seem to think more clearly about money when I don't have it. You know, the in-between paycheck time when it is very clear where the money should be going versus the money-in-my-pocket time when I desperately need things I didn't even consider before - and need them more then I need to pay a bill. So I have started budgetting differently. Since I don't have a steady income, I haven't been able to have a steady budget. On one hand, it has been great to know (and a good deal less stressful) that I don't have credit card bills or major car payments, but on the other hand it means I have to reign in the freedom and make good decisions. Realizing all of this I have started to make out my bi-monthly budget during the low points in the ledger. It is then that I remember bills I tend to put on the back burner during the surplus. It is then I tend to want to be the most generous. And it is then that I count my blessings for at least knowing a check is on the way. So today, a barely-made-it-to-work-with-that-amount-of-gas day, I budgetted my upcoming paycheck and am proud to say it looks better then I expected. I have thought it through, kept emotion out of it, and wasn't trying to budget in any new fabulous clothes staring me down straight from the rack.

I also have discovered the newest form of cyber coupon cutting. Check out the Safeway or King Soopers websites and you will find a link to a site where you register your club cards, click on the coupons you would want to take to the store and, instead of clipping, printing and trying to remember, the coupon is loaded right onto your club card and is used automatically when you scan it at the register. Beautiful.

Melting Pot Culturalism

(image by: Marianne Von Fange)

I am a country girl. I listen to country music and like the wilderness. I camp. I can make a great fire. Campfire is actually my favorite scent, but I often opt for pine. Hiking may be my all time favorite activity. I can grill a mean steak.

I also love things like traveling, plays, underground music, string instruments, painting, reading classics, talking politics, coffee shops, hammocks, oceans, curry, heels, pubs, and pedicures. I have a rather low patriotism, not because I don't think this country is great, but because I have seen too much to actively pedestal our ideas.

I am a product of melting pot culture. A conglomeration of traditions, histories, and dreams from all over the world. Resilience is inherent because of my ancestors fight. Ambition is highly valued as we grab another rung. Independence is vital as dependence has meant pain and destruction for the group.

One of the great things about melting pot culture is the opportunity to understand others. One of the downfalls: Options.

We are a great number of individuals, from 20 to 50, that don't know what to focus our lives on. We have so many options and the inability to narrow our scope has made a group of un-specialized, ineffective, inch-deep world changers. No wonder we are frustrated with the lack of result. We have tried everything under the sun for a few months and then moved on. We left our shovels and bull-dozers to rust while we pulled out a spoon to dig.

Some of the best advice I was ever given was to ask myself the following question: What could you do for hours on end, without getting paid, and be energized by it? If list is long or disjointed, prioritize and begin to specialize. (Credit for good advice goes to Aaron Stern)

At the time I didn't even know how to answer the first question, let alone choose a direction. I was interested in everything, wanted to go everywhere and see it all. As the following year passed I realized what my answer was and can now be found for hours on end, in a coffee shop of my daily choosing, working for no pay and loving every minute of it - and for the first time I can see real change happening. I am not doubting my effectiveness or position in life. There is possibility at my fingertips and I will dig for this non-material motherload. It is worth too much to leave behind.

I hope you dig deep. Plant deep. See change happen deep. There is no other way to reach our goals then to actively pursue them through the storm, to take the time to understand and answer with a new strategy.

Genius Sidebar

I wish life had a Genius Sidebar. You know, that part of iTunes that recommends what you might like based on what you already like. It would be great for a little screen to pop up that said, "If you like these restaurants, try ______" or "If you like that cup of coffee, try ______" or "This TV show might be just right for you: _______" howabout "If you are friends with this person, you'll really get along with ________" Yeah, it would be great to have those kinds of recommendations throughout the day. There will always be the true favorites. Cappuccino from Rico's in downtown Colorado Springs. Noodles from that random restaurant in China - I still crave those sometimes. Any and every part of Ireland - Talking horses, bogs, rentals, Skellig, the smell of fresh beauty. Nepali food. I enjoy the adventure of discovering, uncovering, risking and stepping out into the new, but sometimes I could use a little Genius.

Cello

I have started to play the cello.

I love it.

I have a sneaking suspicion that either (1) I was meant to play the cello and, therefore, am picking it up like Mozart at the piano . . . just 22 years later then his first performance, or (2) I am finally mature enough to stick with something and realize the benefit of practice. Either way, I really enjoy playing the cello.

Now, can I play some Celtic music on the cello, or should I stick to Jingle Bells?

Psych

Okay, I found my new favorite television show. In its fourth season, Psych apparently airs on USA, I, however, have the first season on disc (no commercials!!!) and some On Demand action. :) That is the way to go.

James Roday plays Shawn Spencer, a fake psychic who plays up the drama when he solves a case for the Police. Here is a little line I like to laugh at, "My license to kill? Revoked. Little problem at the Kazakhstan border. I would tell you about it, but then I would have to kill you. Which I can't because my license has been revoked."

Extreme Home Makeover

I love watching Extreme Makeover -Home Edition. Today I was crying within the first 6 minutes. It makes me want to be a contractor and build people new houses. For now, I will dream of Ty Pennington and grab some extra kleenex.

Nothing

Wow. I absolutely have not blogged about anything in a while. Sorry folks.

Just as an update - here is what I am thinking about today: IRELAND. My goodness, I don't think I will ever be okay not living in Ireland.

I think you should go listen to the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast. That is the only way you can truly know how I feel :)

Wish Time Would Stop

There are some situations where I wish we had the ability to just stop the world from moving on. I wish that the entire planet would be reverant to one persons time of tragedy or need.

Yesterday my little sister had to take her 7-year-old dog in to be put to rest. He was very sick and this decision came after a lot of tears, consideration, and visits to the vet. It was hard to have to think about the details of life, the to-do lists and schedules.

The same thing occurred to me when I was in Zimbabwe. Eating, drinking, plans, lists, it all keeps going no matter what is happening to mankind. The thankful heart that the last few hours of work sped by gets forgotten when it would be more appropriate for time to stand still.

Top 10 Reasons . . .

I know, I know, I haven't posted in a month. I am sorry. So very sorry. The truth is things here in the Springs have started to catch up and, hopefully, there will be more blogging than in the last 30 days.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine about weddings. I mentioned that I don't want a wedding. Marriage, yes. Wedding, no. My friend asked for my reasoning, stating that a lot of women who don't want a wedding are bitter or heartbroken. That is not the case with me. I love life, where it is right now. So here are my top ten reasons I, personally, don't want a wedding: (Disclaimer: These apply to no one else. To my friends whose weddings I am in or have attended recently: I am so happy for you and am honored that you asked me to be a part.)

In no particular order (just because I don't want to take the time)

1. Being "should" on: Weddings have a lot of "should" involved. Do you invite Aunt Mary because you should? What about those cousins on the guest list you don't actually know? Do you toast in the middle or at the end? Do you invite a soon-to-be bro or sister-in-law to be in the wedding party? Tradition, tradition, tradition. I don't like being should on.

2. Stress: I am a simple girl. I like simple beauty, things that don't try and look beautiful and working hard on what will last. I have walked with several friends through wedding planning and, let's face it, seeing if your relationship can withstand the stress is not how I want to start a life together.

3. Timelines: Do you stay engaged for 24 hours? 24 days? 24 months? What is the right answer? Is there a right answer? Who knows.

4. How much does that dress cost?

5. Mysterious symbolic traditions: What do the bridesmaids represent? What is the history of golden bands of precious stone and metal? Why pink and floral? The best wedding I went to this year had traditions from Latin America that were explained and as the bride and groom participated, you knew the commitment they were making. I am afraid it is not so in the majority of weddings. What are we doing?

6. How much is it appropriate to charge my friends for being in my wedding? (bridesmaid dresses, parties, time) My dream day versus their budget . . . hmmmm

7. Hassle + hassle + hassle = hooplah. Not a fan of the hooplah.

8. Do you know how long I can live on $10,000?

9. My mom offered to pay my sister to not have a wedding. That's gotta mean something.

10. I am more excited about life and future than one day of silk and lace.

11. (sorry, can't stop) I utterly despise being the center of attention.

So, hopefully that doesn't sound bitter, or take away from the truth of the weddings I am able to participate in. It is just personal preference. Most of my closest friends know these things, but now it is in writing. :0)

Love conquers all.

In the Night

I was laying around, unable to sleep last night thinking about possible blog topics. Now, on this beautiful Saturday morning, I can't remember them. I am sure they were amazing and insightful and full of passion, but the lazy, perfect-weather weekend I am currently a part of is stealing all that from me, and I gladly give it over.

The house I stay in right now has an amazing view of Pikes Peak. Tall and majestic in the distance, it is this peak that often triggers the deep feeling of history that comes from living here in Colorado for the majority of my life. Excursions to the four corners of the earth have not taken the streets that I know and the memories that I have from this place.

Yesterday, however, I realized that I have not been around as much as I imagine. Things have changed that I haven't witnessed. New buildings. New roads. New houses. New couples. New families. New traditions. While the familiar weights me in comfort, the unfamiliar reminds me of my pilgrammage and the fact that I will never be "home" until I am Home.

I find it interesting that every few months I re-evaluate what I am doing with my life in order to commit to it again at another level. I consider the "pros" and "cons" - which, truthfully, have very little effect in the decisions I make. I consider the possibilities and opportunities, which weigh slightly more heavily. Then I come to the same conclusion I always do - that I can stand behind every decision I have made, good and bad, and that I am not going to stop pursueing that which I can't understand in exchange for what so many believe is the only way. The Great Mystery woos me again.

Smells like Primate

I am creating a phrase.

You know when you do something really silly, simplistic and overall (let's just say it even though our mommies told us not to) really, really dumb? And, in this moment of ridiculous behavior, your friends need to call you out on it? I suggest using the phrase: Smells like primate! Referring, of course, to the the fact that the stupid behavior (the one you are thinking about right now) is a witness to a regressing evolutionary cycle that sometimes, and unfortunately repeatedly, still plagues mankind.

Why this phrase? Here are the top 5 reasons:

1. It is WAY more appropriate that cursing

2. It is rather funny and will get you (or your friend) to stop belly gazing

3. It is less harsh then calling someone an idiot - or similar phrase

4. It could really take off and we would be on the front edge of it

5. It really works

So practice it today, in whatever part of the world you are in. When the driver in front of you cuts you off to slam on his (or her . . . probably her) brakes, "Smells like Primate!" When you say something SO not true about yourself and get wild-eyed stares as responses from your friends, "Smells like Primate!" When you overbook, overcommit and feel silly explaining it to your boss, "Smells like Primate!"

Let's not be rude, though. Rude is like . . . pre-primate behavior.